#MeToo Story: My 3-year-old's account (Yes, her too) - Part 1 /2
It's been about three years since it all happened.
She is over 6 and a half years-old now and I'm yet to feel ready to share this... She was 3 back then. It has been on my mind for a while, and I know I'm never going to feel truly "ready", but I do feel like I must, because this is our story, as real and raw as it can be, but it is also about something much bigger than just us. Which I hope she'll understand in the future.
March 2021 is when I first discovered the Sacred Valley of Incas' "spiritual and plant medicine community".
I am Peruvian, but I come from a different region of the country. I moved here driven by the dream of a calmer and more natural way of living, and a multicultural community to raise my daughter into. And, although I was disappointed when I didn't find more Peruvians in the circle, I couldn't say I was really surprised, since it is a known fact that New Age knowledge, and practices such as Yoga and meditation are undeniably more popular amongst the richer and whiter of peoples...
At the moment, I thought, "maybe it's a hippie thing", in pure cognitive dissonance. Thinking of the whole free love ideologies that go around, particularly because by then I had already witnessed things such as their "cuddle puddles", and a few poliamorous fiascos.
But then, he started showing up uninvited to my house. From the very first time that I invited people over, and very often after that, about once or twice a week.
I had never told him where I lived. But, I figured that it is a very small town, and the first place I moved into was in a very centric location, very easy to find. He also excused himself with not having a phone nor any social media, so he couldn't communicate beforehand.
He would randomly show up at our place (where I lived alone with my daughter) at hours like midnight or before 7am, for months.
I feel I must also add here that there was never any kind of flirtation or innuendo from any of us towards the other, because I know some people will try and find the way to throw the blame at me somehow in that way, and I remember I heard he was telling that fallacy to people later on, but what I can see and will admit that I was in the wrong, was for allowing so much for so long, in silence.
Until the last straw hit and it was, again, with my daughter.
I had gone up to Maska to get olive oil from him, because they made it organic where he worked, and it was actually cheaper than at the markets (now I know the true price wasn't worth it, and I've regretted going up there ever since).
Kaly (my daughter) announced that she needed to use the toilet. At that moment, she already knew how to go by herself and was actually going through that phase when toddlers don't want anyone to get involved at all so they can do things themselves, so I let her go by herself -I was not so far after all. A couple of minutes later, I heard her calling "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPEEEER!!!".
In the few seconds that took me to look inside our little backpack for some paper, then to look around, then to process what was happening, the Czech had ran outside the kitchen where we were standing, and flew across the yard in direction to the toilets. I went right after him but was delayed by a few meters, and when I was getting closer I saw him quickly pulling down his pants and telling her "when there's no paper, you can just wash like this...", grabbing a plastic jar that was on the sink.
This time I did react.
- "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
- "HEY!!!" He replied, acting extremely offended, but also half laughing, and dropping the jar to cover his privates and pull up his pants. "Why are you looking?! Nooo!!!"
- "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T LOOK?! BUT MY 3 YEAR OLD, SHE CAN? WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
I don't remember what he went on to say after that, my memory must have erased it immediately. But I know he continued to act like I was crazy and wrong for my reaction, and for immediately taking my daughter and going away.
Now, I am 100% sure that all were actually under-reactions of mine, and that person in question was and still is unbelievably lucky for that, as for the fact that it has taken me very long to process and to figure out what to do about it.
Some time after that, I told this story to a group of friends while we were having dinner, and one of them (a foreigner, single lady and living alone) had also gone through the same as me when it came to the unwanted, uninvited and untimely visits, and the aggressive insistence to move up where he lived, with insults and harassment as a result of her not wanting that for herself. Fortunately for her, he had simply stopped with time.
In parallel, we were adjusting to our new life in the Sacred Valley by balancing our usual homeschooling routines with the community activities and events.
Our favourite was the Ecstatic Dance. We would go to the one that I got recommended, one that claimed to be the official International Ecstatic Dance, and had hundreds if not thousands of members in its Facebook group.
It had been swept off my feet by attending my first Ecstatic Dance, so much, that I fell completely in love with the Sacred Valley and its colourful immigrant community…
That’s where we met the other guy.
[End of Part 1 /2]
She is over 6 and a half years-old now and I'm yet to feel ready to share this... She was 3 back then. It has been on my mind for a while, and I know I'm never going to feel truly "ready", but I do feel like I must, because this is our story, as real and raw as it can be, but it is also about something much bigger than just us. Which I hope she'll understand in the future.
March 2021 is when I first discovered the Sacred Valley of Incas' "spiritual and plant medicine community".
I am Peruvian, but I come from a different region of the country. I moved here driven by the dream of a calmer and more natural way of living, and a multicultural community to raise my daughter into. And, although I was disappointed when I didn't find more Peruvians in the circle, I couldn't say I was really surprised, since it is a known fact that New Age knowledge, and practices such as Yoga and meditation are undeniably more popular amongst the richer and whiter of peoples...
I had hoped it would be different here, I guess. But those have been amongst my interests for as long as I can remember, so I was still very excited and feeling blessed to have found such circle.
My daughter and I, being both bilingüal neurodivergents who are infinitely curious (and her being a tireless social butterfly) we loved to attend together many of the Kirtans, Ectatic Dances, cacao ceremonies and group meditations that took place in the area.
Because I'm mixed-raced and I speak English fluently (and with flawless accents, if I can say so myself) I was able to blend in easily with the foreigners, as many people don't even suspect I am Peruvian until I mention it in conversation. And they always act surprised to find out.
This reaction usually doesn't bother me, and it can actually be flattering, of course. But, way many more times than I can count, it has sadly come with an intense switch, a reaction of deep mistrust, and even hate.
Racism, misogyny and xenophobia are very real here, folks, and coming from the very outsiders that are migrating into our home country, directed to us, locals. From where I see it, this is a big playing factor in what has been going on. But those things I was used to, and I kind of expected. What I wasn't expecting was all the sexual misconduct and powerplay that was involved, and that we came to encounter.
My daughter and I, being both bilingüal neurodivergents who are infinitely curious (and her being a tireless social butterfly) we loved to attend together many of the Kirtans, Ectatic Dances, cacao ceremonies and group meditations that took place in the area.
Because I'm mixed-raced and I speak English fluently (and with flawless accents, if I can say so myself) I was able to blend in easily with the foreigners, as many people don't even suspect I am Peruvian until I mention it in conversation. And they always act surprised to find out.
This reaction usually doesn't bother me, and it can actually be flattering, of course. But, way many more times than I can count, it has sadly come with an intense switch, a reaction of deep mistrust, and even hate.
Racism, misogyny and xenophobia are very real here, folks, and coming from the very outsiders that are migrating into our home country, directed to us, locals. From where I see it, this is a big playing factor in what has been going on. But those things I was used to, and I kind of expected. What I wasn't expecting was all the sexual misconduct and powerplay that was involved, and that we came to encounter.
With my daughter, it was two different men in different occasions:
First one I'll call V, he is from Czechoslovakia. He is young looking, I believe he's still in his thirties. Completely caucasian: white skin, blue eyes and long blond hair and beard. He's usually wearing sandals or barefoot, wearing simple, dirty clothes. He's what most people would call a total hippie with just one look. I know he works usually picking up trash and things to recycle, as well as brewing kombucha and selling cannabis around the town of Pisac.
That's the town that we first moved into. And the first time that something happened, it was at an audiovisuals event at a popular "hippie" restaurant/boutique in the town centre:
We were sitting on the rooftop floor rugs, where the event was taking place. We hadn't been introduced yet, but I recognised him from around; and he sat right next to my daughter, who was sitting to my right.
After a little while, I noticed motion next to me, and then I heard moaning.
When I looked, I saw him masturbating from outside his clothes.
Eyes closed, head leaned back, and moaning, while he rubbed his groin from outside his pants, body weight pressing onto my child.
Now, I am not someone to react strongly or to dare to cause a scandal. Within my neurodivergent diagnosis I have Autism and also C-PTSD from life-long exposure to trauma, and I'm one of those people who simply freeze and don't know what to do in the very moment.
What I did intuitively was to look around, and I was even more shocked by the realisation that all the people around us were not only not reacting, but some of them were clearly noticing what was going on, and simply staying purposefully avoidant.
First one I'll call V, he is from Czechoslovakia. He is young looking, I believe he's still in his thirties. Completely caucasian: white skin, blue eyes and long blond hair and beard. He's usually wearing sandals or barefoot, wearing simple, dirty clothes. He's what most people would call a total hippie with just one look. I know he works usually picking up trash and things to recycle, as well as brewing kombucha and selling cannabis around the town of Pisac.
That's the town that we first moved into. And the first time that something happened, it was at an audiovisuals event at a popular "hippie" restaurant/boutique in the town centre:
We were sitting on the rooftop floor rugs, where the event was taking place. We hadn't been introduced yet, but I recognised him from around; and he sat right next to my daughter, who was sitting to my right.
After a little while, I noticed motion next to me, and then I heard moaning.
When I looked, I saw him masturbating from outside his clothes.
Eyes closed, head leaned back, and moaning, while he rubbed his groin from outside his pants, body weight pressing onto my child.
Now, I am not someone to react strongly or to dare to cause a scandal. Within my neurodivergent diagnosis I have Autism and also C-PTSD from life-long exposure to trauma, and I'm one of those people who simply freeze and don't know what to do in the very moment.
What I did intuitively was to look around, and I was even more shocked by the realisation that all the people around us were not only not reacting, but some of them were clearly noticing what was going on, and simply staying purposefully avoidant.
At the moment, I thought, "maybe it's a hippie thing", in pure cognitive dissonance. Thinking of the whole free love ideologies that go around, particularly because by then I had already witnessed things such as their "cuddle puddles", and a few poliamorous fiascos.
But a few is not all, and some of the ideas make sense even if I don't choose them for myself, and everybody was so wonderful and nice there, and it's a progressive and open-minded circle, and I want to respect everybody, and I was still very new in town, and who was I to judge?...
So, I quietly told my daughter that our food was taking very long to come (which was true) and that we'd go buy some crackers at a nearby store, and I took her away, quietly, like nothing bad was really happening, just like everybody else.
This person was (and as I'm aware, he still is) around many events, gatherings and restaurants of the community. At the time, we used to run into each other continuously, and we were properly introduced eventually; and he was friendly, even funny, and he was very well-liked, despite all his obvious particularities.
So, I quietly told my daughter that our food was taking very long to come (which was true) and that we'd go buy some crackers at a nearby store, and I took her away, quietly, like nothing bad was really happening, just like everybody else.
This person was (and as I'm aware, he still is) around many events, gatherings and restaurants of the community. At the time, we used to run into each other continuously, and we were properly introduced eventually; and he was friendly, even funny, and he was very well-liked, despite all his obvious particularities.
But then, he started showing up uninvited to my house. From the very first time that I invited people over, and very often after that, about once or twice a week.
I had never told him where I lived. But, I figured that it is a very small town, and the first place I moved into was in a very centric location, very easy to find. He also excused himself with not having a phone nor any social media, so he couldn't communicate beforehand.
He would randomly show up at our place (where I lived alone with my daughter) at hours like midnight or before 7am, for months.
At first, I welcomed him to sit and have a random conversation outside in the garden. I was always friendly even if cautious (or maybe I was friendly as a way of being cautious), because we had many acquaintances in common and I was very aware of how appreciated he was everywhere around. He had been living there for many years already and I had just arrived, after all.
But my discomfort and alertness only kept growing because, every time he would come, he would force the conversation into trying to convince me to move up to where he lived, in a sort of retreat/community centre that produced essential oils, approximately 10 to 15 minutes by car, up the mountain from Pisac, in the town of Maska. He always mentioned a school and workshops he'd open up for small children like my daughter, and how living there would be better for us in so many ways. The problem was that the more I refused (and I grew tired of kindly explaining my reasons to stay where I was), the more aggressive and unpredictable he behaved, going as far as insulting my choices and calling me derogatory names. I grew tired but never impolite. I was uncomfortable and afraid, but also very, very confused by most people's behaviour around.
But my discomfort and alertness only kept growing because, every time he would come, he would force the conversation into trying to convince me to move up to where he lived, in a sort of retreat/community centre that produced essential oils, approximately 10 to 15 minutes by car, up the mountain from Pisac, in the town of Maska. He always mentioned a school and workshops he'd open up for small children like my daughter, and how living there would be better for us in so many ways. The problem was that the more I refused (and I grew tired of kindly explaining my reasons to stay where I was), the more aggressive and unpredictable he behaved, going as far as insulting my choices and calling me derogatory names. I grew tired but never impolite. I was uncomfortable and afraid, but also very, very confused by most people's behaviour around.
I feel I must also add here that there was never any kind of flirtation or innuendo from any of us towards the other, because I know some people will try and find the way to throw the blame at me somehow in that way, and I remember I heard he was telling that fallacy to people later on, but what I can see and will admit that I was in the wrong, was for allowing so much for so long, in silence.
Until the last straw hit and it was, again, with my daughter.
I had gone up to Maska to get olive oil from him, because they made it organic where he worked, and it was actually cheaper than at the markets (now I know the true price wasn't worth it, and I've regretted going up there ever since).
Kaly (my daughter) announced that she needed to use the toilet. At that moment, she already knew how to go by herself and was actually going through that phase when toddlers don't want anyone to get involved at all so they can do things themselves, so I let her go by herself -I was not so far after all. A couple of minutes later, I heard her calling "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPEEEER!!!".
In the few seconds that took me to look inside our little backpack for some paper, then to look around, then to process what was happening, the Czech had ran outside the kitchen where we were standing, and flew across the yard in direction to the toilets. I went right after him but was delayed by a few meters, and when I was getting closer I saw him quickly pulling down his pants and telling her "when there's no paper, you can just wash like this...", grabbing a plastic jar that was on the sink.
This time I did react.
- "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
- "HEY!!!" He replied, acting extremely offended, but also half laughing, and dropping the jar to cover his privates and pull up his pants. "Why are you looking?! Nooo!!!"
- "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T LOOK?! BUT MY 3 YEAR OLD, SHE CAN? WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
I don't remember what he went on to say after that, my memory must have erased it immediately. But I know he continued to act like I was crazy and wrong for my reaction, and for immediately taking my daughter and going away.
Now, I am 100% sure that all were actually under-reactions of mine, and that person in question was and still is unbelievably lucky for that, as for the fact that it has taken me very long to process and to figure out what to do about it.
Some time after that, I told this story to a group of friends while we were having dinner, and one of them (a foreigner, single lady and living alone) had also gone through the same as me when it came to the unwanted, uninvited and untimely visits, and the aggressive insistence to move up where he lived, with insults and harassment as a result of her not wanting that for herself. Fortunately for her, he had simply stopped with time.
In parallel, we were adjusting to our new life in the Sacred Valley by balancing our usual homeschooling routines with the community activities and events.
Our favourite was the Ecstatic Dance. We would go to the one that I got recommended, one that claimed to be the official International Ecstatic Dance, and had hundreds if not thousands of members in its Facebook group.
It had been swept off my feet by attending my first Ecstatic Dance, so much, that I fell completely in love with the Sacred Valley and its colourful immigrant community…
That’s where we met the other guy.
[End of Part 1 /2]
Link to PART 2:
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