Alexis' Lit

From one second to the next my mind and memory are erased All gone, beyond reach What is it... What was it? I know I know it, it's my own knowledge it's there in storage But I can't keep hold of it. [18/5/2023 On Mothers' "Baby Brain"]

Words words wroso dowrs weosw worusw Words Words words wrods wordsss There's a lot of those in my head Popping, swimming, squirming faster that I can bear Or that I can write Escaping, firing, wiring I try to catch them I would like to share them But how could I when I barely understand them I wanna cry. They are a lot but they also run out.

Almost exactly five years ago (+ 2 days 😁) Kalyani Alba, my first-born daughter, was delivered into this world; some would say I "officially became a mother". 😄 💖 🌈👶🏻 ➡️ 👧🏻  It was a hectic afternoon and a hectic couple of days after, until we came home from the hospital and I've been high in love ever since. Being in postpartum again right now brings me back so much! I was terrified I wasn't ready to be a mother, of the circumstances of doing it by myself as a single parent, and basically of-everything-and-all-at-once, like it tends to happen when one is processing post-partum depression plus complex ptsd, as I have, both times... I got shocked by how much I love her. I didn't know that with birthing her, I'd be birthing a new "biggest fear" for life, and that is that anything "bad" would happen to her. My mom answered saying "Welcome to motherhood. That feeling doesn't ever go away"... O.O WHAT did I get myself into?...